Ok so anyone who’s been reading for awhile will know that I have problems with my parents..
We hardly communicate at all, I’ve been keeping a record since I got back of who calls who, and when, with a few experiments in between to see how long they’ll let it get before they call me to see if I’m still alive.
Last year I got sick of always being the one to ring them, and decided I’d leave it and see how long it’d take for them to ring me…
After 20 weeks… I rang them to see if they were in fact still alive..
Only to be told ,we haven’t heard from you for awhile…
Like it’s all my fault…
Anyways in the last 16 months they’ve called me a grand total of 3 times…
I last spoke to them just before Easter, and I’ve been waiting in anticipation for them to call me…
it’s been 4 weeks now…
It’s mothers day in Oz this weekend.
Do I call and wish my mum a happy mothers day?
or
Do I wait a week and see if she calls me for my birthday? (they did forget last year…)
I know for a fact that my mother stalks me on facebook.
Having unknowingly sent her an email to join when I first started..
I talk to my cousin a fair bit, and she says she’s heard things through the grandma, that have happened after the last time I talked to the parents…
so I’m thinking that in my facebook status updates, my parents are making up their own stories to tell people, rather than actually calling me to see how I am..
Would it be wrong to delete my mother as a friend?
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7 comments:
You're going to be in France on Mother's Day, at least for the part of it where it's reasonable to call Australia. You can call if you want, but it's going to be expensive. I of course hadn't even thought of the whole mother's day in France thing until you mentioned it. Woops.
Delete your mother on FB. If she questions it, just say you deleted anyone who didn't regularly interact with you on FB :) She'll feel guilty, at least, and maybe call you more.
I guess all I can say is family is a 100%/100% relationship, there's no meeting in some imaginary middle, you either do it, or neither does. Be the bigger party and give her a call before you head away, and regularly, they're your parents. it's not really a game right? you know how things are, that's all they'll ever be. to be honest my family is just as bad at keeping in contact. In our lives we make our own families of people we meet anyway.
Ergh. Bit of a dilemma to be in, I don't envy you. I get a bit p*ssed off with family members when they go for ages without contacting me - it's always me who has to ring them. I think there's the mentality of "well, she left, SHE can ring us!" Bah. It really used to bother me, but I kind of got over it. We're all busy, the time difference doesn't help, and we can always find the time if we put in the effort! Whenever we talk it's always really nice and that makes up for it. I know it sucks when it's ALWAYS you who makes the effort but try not to let it bother you - it's just the way some people are. Being the bigger person can have its perks.
I think most people use Facebook to stalk people who they aren't in regular contact with :P (or is that just me?!) Maybe just put her on limited profile or something, rather than deleting her full stop?
You can't choose your family, as the saying goes.
Miss you, hope it all works out - and have fun in Le France! xxx
Och FAMILY... never easy is it? Maybe you could call for Mum's Day then say, "Btw, here's my phone number... why don't we take it turns?"
I get the same thing as Phil sometimes... people think coz you're overseas you must be having glam adventures and too busy and important to call the folks back home! sometimes you need to reach out first, but ultimately it needs to be a two way street dammit.
I say call her. Be the bigger person. It seems to me like you wish your parents would call you, like it's a little upsetting they don't -- but whatever their reasons, don't do the same thing to them.
And you either need to delete or seriously restrict your Mum on FB.
I do wish they'd call.
As you say they are family, you'd think that being the only child now, a phone call now and then to say Hi, would be normal
I sometimes think they've gone an put me in the "out of sight, out of mind" basket, and to them I'm dead too..
maybe talking to me brings back too many horrible memories,
it just annoys the hell out of me, and I wish it didn't.
It must be hurtful Ali, but maybe they see things completely differently: perhaps they're afraid to be too fussy and opressive, and so they go a little too far the other way?
I know my parents are really wary of being overbearing, because they in turn had parents who would call every day and want to know everything. I think it's probably hard, being a parent, and getting that balance right.
I think you should call. If only because you'll feel awful if you don't! Just make a quick call, and have a chat, and don't stress too much about it.
As for facebook - hmmm. In normal circumstances, I'd say it was ok to 'unfriend' her, and explain that it's just a thing for your friends and you'd rather have privacy.
But - in this situation, I think I'd suggest being kind and letting her carry on. It sounds to me like she has difficulties reaching out to you, for whatever reason, BUT her 'stalking' you suggests she does care and does want to know what's going on, and .. you know, if that's a way she can stay involved then maybe just let her? I gather your sibling has died - perhaps she's still dealing with that, and her lack of calls etc is a symptom?
Or - and this sounds a bit daft, but are they worried about money? A lot of older people still think it costs an absolute fortune to phone abroad... maybe they're being frugal!
Family is hard, but it's important. Give her a call, tell her you love her, tell her what you're up to... I'm sure she loves it when she does hear from you.
Hugs
Gillian
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